I Discovered That My Husband Is Not A Jerk!  He’s Just RED!

I Discovered That My Husband Is Not A Jerk!  He’s Just RED!

I was at a convention this past week sharing the training opportunities that Consentia Group offers around the TotalSDI, and a woman ran up to our booth and loudly proclaimed, “I learned though SDI that my husband is not a jerk!  He’s just RED!”  I had all I could to contain my inclination to burst out laughing.  She had a revelation that changed their marriage.  By the way, her husband was holding her hand while this pronouncement was being declared loudly and publicly!

It can be frustrating being married to a RED.  Just ask my wife.  They usually are multitasking so they don’t listen very well, they are constantly making overstatements and you may feel the need to correct, and they often fail to get the details accurately causing all kinds of problems.  At times they can be so forceful with others that you feel embarrassed by their rudeness.  Sometimes you wonder if they ever think things through or just act on impulse.  And why are they always in such a hurry?

The overdone strengths of a red can be intimidating for other MVS’s.  They tend to do all these things with great confidence that can appear arrogant.  They can appear to want to be in charge all the time and can overdo their persuasion to the point of being abrasive.  No wonder some wives think they married a jerk.  I suppose many employees think they work for a jerk too.  It is understandable that RED’s can be perceived as the problem in the room.

SDI gives us a perspective to understand the heart of a RED.  They operate from the point of view that things need to get done.  They also have a gut reaction about how to get things done and want to get into motion.  Just like all the other MVS’s, the RED may not be aware of how they are being perceived by others around them.  Hopefully, the RED’s are growing in relational awareness and are learning to not overdo their strengths.  But they will continue to believe that performance is important and shouldn’t be sacrificed.

The Scriptures call us to love one another.  How do we love that RED in our life that is so different from us?  We do it by extending grace just like Christ extends grace to us.  Love also requires that we believe the best of others.  We must trust the heart of the others.  To do this, it is helpful to adjust our filters (colors) and see the world through their lenses.  As the wife declared, “He isn’t a jerk.  He’s just RED!”  She gained a fresh perspective about how her husband experienced the world and she learned to appreciate his strengths.  She even valued his strengths.

If we fail to appreciate what is important to other MVS’s (Motivational Value Systems) we will fail to love one another effectively.  We may assign motives to other people that they don’t deserve.  For example, we may believe that someone is trying to run over people because they don’t are about them when in reality the RED person may be trying to make a change for the benefit of the people.  A GREEN person may be perceived as blocking every decision by raising questions about principles, fairness, process, or details, but in reality, is desiring the best outcome and believes that if these issues are ignored the decision will have negative consequences.  A BLUE person may be perceived as lazy, unable to get things done on time, and a push over when in reality they are focused on caring for people so the work will be done.  Let’s not leave out the HUBS (they really don’t like that!).  HUBS can be perceived as incapable of making decisions and constantly changing direction when they are using their ongoing learning and integration to the decisions and processes that have been made.  Love requires that we learn how to appreciate the perspective of others.  SDI gives us a tool to better understand the heart of others and extend grace.

The truth of the matter is that when we think our own perspective is the only perspective or the “right” perspective without taking the time to listen and understand the perspective of others, we run the risk of judging people inappropriately and label them a jerk.  Often when we do this, we right people off and miss the gift they are to the body.

Bruce Terpstra

Our President, Dr. Bruce Terpstra, has 36 years of pastoral ministry experience. He is a veteran of 17 years in denominational leadership and developed more than 70 new churches in the New York metro area and has given oversight to almost 400 pastors. He holds a doctorate in Leadership Development and is also the founder of 3KeyCoaching and the author of Three Passions of the Soul.