The Perception Trap

It’s normal to interpret your spouse’s behaviors (their “what”) by your own motivations (your “why”). In fact, it’s almost inevitable. You can’t see inside your spouse to know their motivations or reasons; all you can see is what they do. The only reasons you have for understanding your spouse come from your own internal values and motivations. And what he or she does often makes absolutely no sense to you!

Of course, the exact opposite is true when it comes to your own behavior. Looking at the world through your own values and motivations, and in touch with your reasons for responding the way you do, it’s easy to assume that if your spouse were a remotely reasonable person, they would understand. After all, isn’t it obvious you are just trying to help? You are often shocked and offended when your spouse doesn’t agree!

Sound familiar? If so, it’s likely that your marriage is becoming a victim of the “perception trap.” It’s a common marriage dynamic that can cause a world of trouble in your relationship. Because each of you sees the world through a unique but different lens of motivational values, it’s hard not to misinterpret your spouse’s actions. If left unchecked, the perception gap can create intensifying waves of conflict and undermine trust in each other’s good intentions.

Fortunately, there is a way to close the perception gap. Because every person has a stable blend of three core motivations (significance, security, and acceptance), you can learn your spouse’s motivational value system and become more effective at understanding and communicating in your marriage.

Consentia Group uses a revolutionary relational assessment called the Strength Deployment Inventory to help couples identify the internal motivations driving their behaviors. It’s like a customized radar system for your marriage that helps couples navigate what’s going on inside their spouse; and the results are dramatically improved communication, appreciation, conflict resolution, and collaboration.

Discover how Consentia Group’s marriage workshops, coaching packages, and training certifications can help unlock the power of awareness in marriage. We’ve combined evidence-based relational intelligence training with biblically rooted soul development for couples so you can enjoy better results through better relationships.